Saturday, April 15, 2006

I'm such a Bastard!! I just realised how bastard am I, to think that I still thought I'm alright, kept on talking bout how a guy should behave when I myself sucked at it. I just realised that I left my bro Igni behind everytime I go clubbing. He's the best bro, he followed me to clubbing everytime although I brought my friends along. And everytime its mne having girls around but he dances alone and he doesnt complain, I'm sorry bro..

Besides that I realised that I made quite a number of girls down, I treated girls that I knew in club like nothing, we can dance, we can kissed and after that I shoo them off home without even saying sorry to them. I didnt know that until my mum told me that one of my cousin is getting a divorced because her husband is having an affair out there. My cousin is a hot babe, trust me, she's young and that "husband" of her is definitely blind cuz he's a bastard. One thing I'm better is that I DONT 2 TIME girls! But to compare, I felt that I'm more of a bastard than him cuz the number of girls that I disappointed were like dozens.

Back to my cousin, her daughter is only 5 or 6 this yr, a very cute little girl but she's intelligent. She wrote a card to her mummy saying "Mummy, I love you alot. I know you are very sad but he's my daddy, I cant scold him bad words but I tell you, I hate him and I'll hate him forever." See, even kids like 5 or 6 yrs old know what the hell ya doing, you're like 30 plus and yet u still sucked at every little thing u do.

Enough of that, I'm boiling, even though I know that I dont have the right to be angry cuz I'm a bastard myself. Was at MoMo last night, Karen's colleague Renay intro her sis to me, its like matchmaking and it kinda scared me. But coincidentally her sis, Rina was there at MOMO last night too. Danced with her, and after that that's when I realised how bastard am I cuz I left Igni alone. Anyway I already made up my mind, I'm gonna change, I'm gonna quit smoking after I commission, I'm not gonna club that much too. I just wanna lead a normal life now, be an normal average guy who will just go town for movie, food, and leisure, no more knowing of girls in club.

Seriously speaking I cant forgive myself too. Its not just once or twice but I think its the entire clubbing life of mine since poly yr 3 that I'm a bastard. Thats like 2 yrS? I've had enough, seriously, I'm tired, friends said that I needed a gf to change me but does the girls that I liked gave me a chance? Not even one single chance, then tell me how do I get a girl that I like? Auction me in Ebay like some cheapo stuff? If this goes on, I'll turn into a player, a clubber, a fucking bastard who doesnt care bout others' feelings.

I just wanna post this entry here to sincerely apologise to the ppl that I let down, Diane, Rina, Igni, Mike, Joe, there's too many. There's still one more, Sijia, although she doesnt know that I like her, but I continued smoking which I told her I already stop, I did tried but its too hard for me during training. I felt drifted apart from her after entering army. Yesterday was the day that I know her for a yr, and for this whole yr I never dated her, not that I didnt try but its either she's busy or I cant make it. We used to talk on phones every night or every now and then, but for the whole week I called her, she didnt ans. I felt useless, I doesnt have much friends, I'm down, seriously...

[[ s a muel 0 ` ]]

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Samuel || 7:34 PM

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Back from Taiwan ROC Well, back from my Taiwan ROC exercise. Its tough anyway, slept just 2 to 3 hours daily for the 18 days of hell training. The weather there is damn freaking cold anyway, and u practically smoke for 24hrs daily as there's smoke everywhere when u talk. But but but, the R&R there is great, spent the whole of my 550 bucks that I changed. Bought nothing much too, a Levis jeans, a puma shoe and afew tee-shirts, that settled my new yr clothing for yr 2007. Hahaha!

Other than that the food there is fabulous, especially the sausages, the "Xiang Ji Pa" (chicken chop) and also the "Mua Ji".. Hahaha! And besides that its drinking for the guys at night in the hotel rooms, playing dices, cards, getting drunk and funny. Life as a civilian is great, if not for the army restrictions I'll sure go clubbing at night cuz the girls there are damn pretty, natural beauty without makeup.

Ok, now back to Singapore, the weather sucks, so damn bloody hot. Can't even drink those hot chocolates that I used to have in Taiwan. Back to Sing on Fri night or rather Sat morning at 0130am. Went back home to pack all my stuff and washing up before going out on Sat for a dinner with Joe and Igni. Met up with Karen too, she's better now after things that happen between Cal and her. After that Joe, Igni and Me met up with Ah Hoe, Andy and gang at a pub at Boat Quay named "Zen" before going down to Mos.

So now left Joe, Igni and Me plus we met up with Amber and Audrey before heading down to MOS, Kinda forgotten how to dance and I suck at it now. Saw quite a number of friends there, Boxiong, Jalen, HweeLing's good friend which I forgot his name, Serena (my gf) Haha, and one of my BMT friend which I forgot his name too.The night was good, fun, drinking as usual. After that went back home and slept all the way from 6 till 1500hrs. Haha! Been long since I last slept for such long hours. Now comes the sickening part, gonna return to camp at 2200hrs later. Sucks!

[[ s a muel 0 ` ]]

SaM; DaIrY oFHiMselF______________________
Samuel || 7:08 PM