Sunday, May 28, 2006

Drunk!!!! I'm Drunk!!!! Don't think I got so drunk ever before. But before I start my journey on what happened last night, lets start with my life in Safti for the first of my last 3 weeks of OCS.

Basically all was well for last Sun till Wed, got sore eye on wed night and I went to see the MO (Medical Officer) the next morning. Still thought that the stupid MO will gimme an Attend C for at least 2 days but who knows he kept me in the sick bay (female one somemore cuz he wanna isolate me) for 3 fucking days. Then after 2 days of staying, I got damn bloody bored that I went to request for a discharge on fri night cuz I got a parade rehearsal on sat morning. But guess what the MO said, he said "I cant release u, u're not well yet. Why not stay one more night then the duty MO for tmr (in this case is sat) will release u and give u Attend C.

Fuck! What's the diff in giving me Attend C on fri night and Sat morning? Is he a gay? Does he need to keep me for so many days? In the end, the MO for sat just report for duty and straight away gave me Attend C status, book out on sat morning 11am. Sucks!!

Okay, anyway back to yesterday. Was out in town shopping for my Comms Ball Dinner Wear, didnt manage to see any nice suit out there though. So in the end went to COCOLATTE (my first time there) with a big group of friends, Armour, BMT, Sec, Outside friends. I got damn bloody drunk that I was on all fours crawling and puking outside COCO around 1 plus. Furthermore I drank and cried, I deleted all of Sijia's messages in my phone, 152 of them and thought I can put her down, but deep inside I cant. Think I drank bout 4 to 5 pints of Hoegarden, plus abit of mixings here and there. After that Igni sent me home and I continued puking in the cab.

U think it end here? Nah, u're wrong. Igni didnt send me up cuz I said I can manage but I found out that I slept on the 10th floor lift lobby of my BLK and I woke up at 7am inside my toilet this morning. Unexplainable right? I cant remember what happened too, never been so drunk before... sigh~~~!!!

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Samuel || 3:15 PM

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Same Old Problem Its been a very long time since I last blog.. Anyway I doubt that anybody will read it, this is just a place whereby I can relieve all my stress, anger, happiness (which I think there's none of it).

Alright, firstly I wanna say "I've finally completed my Armour Officership training in Sungei Gedong camp. Just received my cert last week and on top of it wrote 2Lt Ong WeiQuan Samuel, (2Lt refers to 2nd Lieutenant). The feeling was obviously damn good cuz I felt that I really achieve something that will do my family and close friends proud. So now I'mn currently back in Safti for 3 weeks of training on parades before I formally get commission on the 10th of June. 3 more weeks to officership, thats all.

Next, although its a very happy thing that I'll be getting my officership soon but I dunno why. Maybe I'm a very Emo guy, I tends to think alot and I mean real lot. Went to Billy's 21st birthday last night at Pasir Ris before moving off with Igni and Joe to Holland V and met up with Karen for a drink. On the outside I look prefectly fine, we left at around 2 and the 2 guys went home whereby I went over to Karen's house and continued drinking. Talked real lot, She talked bout Cal and stuff while I talk bout how a little guy went after a girl for a yr and it came to no avail yet. Left her house at around 4.

What we talked bout was purely relationships, why must god create a guy and a girl in the first place? And furthermore why must there be feelings in the world? And guys, where can u find a guy who is so balless that he don't even dare to date a girl that he likes out for a movie or dinner? I asked Sijia before to be my date for my OCS social night, she's not free. Asked her for a dinner, she had dinner with her family. Now I just ask her to be my date again for my Commissioning Ball and she said she cant confirm cuz her exams are in june. Can someone just tell me how to go after her? Karen adviced me to let go, but its not that easy, she said that I'm not useless at all, just see the amount of girls I had in clubs are enough. but to me, what happens in the club stays in the club. Guys may fool around but at the end of the day he'll come back to u. Cuz guys are born to be the playful one between the 2 sexes.

All my friends started to have gf one by one, including my army bros and budds. My mum kept on asking me whether I have any gf too. Everytime when I book out, my mum will ask "Going out with who?" I'll reply "Orh, Igni, Joe and my army budds loh", then she'll say back "Are u a gay? Why do u always go out with them? Thought guys and girls at your age is the dating age?" Then what do u expect me to reply? I got no idea, totally clueless...

Sometimes in camp I'll hear stuff from my budds that they endure thru all the shit trainings because of the support from their gf. I know supports from close friends and family members are enough but I do get lonely. I'm not despo, I just felt that I don't used to be the SAMUEL that peeps once knew. My character changed alot, my perspective in life, etc, totally changed. Karen told me last night, "Bro, I think u matured alot. Your thinking scared me, your that kinda guy that girls will wanna marry." What a joke.. I'm bored, tired, really very tired, maybe I should just let go, I shouldnt carry on.. I should open up my choices but seriously its hard...

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Samuel || 4:59 PM